If you thought March Madness was happening on CBS, BABBYYYY I got news for you – the real March Madness is on ABC at 10PM EST/9PM CST. There were more match-ups, more madness, more mayhem, more mystery…(can I buy a vowel, I am running out of M’s….)
In case you were in awe and shock from having a new episode after a three week hiatus which left you waiting like you were expecting an express Metro train on a holiday Sunday in Washington, DC, here are some of the notable pairings:
• Liv vs Fitz –the game we thought was over. Looks like we are seeing previews of a future March Madness battle for the ages. The trash talking has begin…more talk of ruins than from a history teacher lecturing on the Fall of the Roman Empire.
• Mellie vs. Cyrus – this isn’t really a match-up this is like watching the cheerleader and the not so cute but really nice neighborhood girl vie for the affections of the star quarterback. You figure out who is who…
• Abby vs. Harrison – This has the potential to be an interesting battle but Abby wont let it happen. She wants Harrison so bad (can you blame her?) she doesn’t know what to do which is why she jumps on Rosen every time and in any available space she can find.
• Harrison vs. Company lawyer – sister girl tried to hold her own but I guess she did not do her research. You thought he was pretty and talked fast while you had an army of lawyers…You did not just have a typical lone black lawyer sitting opposite you, beeyatch you had a MF gladiator in suit! Not only did you have A MF gladiator in suit but you had THE HEAD GLADIATOR IN SUIT! When he finishes with you, your hair will be laid like Dr. Lillith Sternin (Cheers) in a bone-snatched bun that will give you an automatic face-lift and vaginal rejuvenation.
• Fitz vs. Mellie (the 16 vs 1 match-up) - Two slam dunks oh I meant slammed doors to the First Lady and GAME OVER.COM!
• Cheating wife vs. Unsuspecting naive pussy whipped husband – this match-up kind of bored me. From the beginning when she said, “Its true – all of it”….you could hear a rat piss on cotton. As Patti Labelle would say, that husband felt like a penny waiting for change…Hubby needs to grow a pair and wake up! Cheating wife advances to next round cuz she clearly has GAME!
• Captain Jake vs. Liv well this may be the secret 8-9 match-up in the making. But it is too early to tell. He may think he is ahead but he doesn’t know the bench strength of Liv’s team.
• Quinn and Huck vs. Mole – this game is too early to call. It appears that the Mole may have the upper hand, but our star 6th man lethal weapon 3-point shooter HUCK has not been put in the game yet. My money is on team QUUCK!
• Liv vs. Cyrus – this one had all the makings for a classic battle (is her vagina apolitical?). Cyrus that was just a flagrant foul bordering on a technical foul. After that it just fizzled - a lot of bark but not to much game being played in the end. And now we’re in overtime, nonetheless. We'll keep the Buffalo Wild Wings coming….along with libations.
Humbly Submitted,
Willie J. Broussard, Jr.
Gladiator in Suit
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