INAPPROPRIATE SEX!!!!
It happened! And it happened all up and through episode 308! I had to
take an Ambien, a Clozapine, a shot of Tylenol Severe Cold AND a medium
iced mocha latte before I could even attempt to write this
recap…Jeezus!! Second, this episode was directed by the beautiful and
talented Ava DuVerney so I didn’t expect anything less than jaw dropping scenes. Chile, just….. let’s get into it.
Episode 308 opens with Mama Pope demanding to see Liv before Papa Pope
disposes of her for good. We find out that she has served Nelson Mandela
time-like 20 plus years!! For a SPLIIIIT second we see something that
resembles, compassion… kinda…sorta in Eli’s eyes but he quickly says
“siiiiiiike! Girl you know that ain’t gonna happen but that was a real
cute try.” Oh and real quick, I just want to say that Mama Pope’s lace
front was laid like satin sheets! Yuuuussss!!
At Pope &
Associates the crew is toiling away at finding surveillance footage that
will show them who killed the security guard who was the link to Omar
Dresden. Quinn pulls up in the Grand Marquis with Charlie coaching her
on how to be a good mole. I know her heart was doing the Harlem Shake
because mine definitely was! She’s obviously feeling the weight of what
she’s gotten herself into. Note to fathers- this is why you need to
hug your daughters and tell them they are beautiful because when you
don’t, they end up signing up for gangs and top secret government goon
squads.
Inside the office we see Quinn, often with a face that
looks like she has an acute case of diarrhea as the Gladiators get
closer to revealing the killer. She panics and tells Charlie that they
are on the scent but he basically slaps her on the butt and says “it’s
ok Toots, you’ll figure it out”
Back in the bowels of hell,
Mama Pope is not going out like a chump so she sits there on the floor
and chews through both her wrists until she hits the artery. What in the
entire fuck? PINEAPPLES SHONDA, PINEAPPLES!! None of us were ready for
that! Later in the show we find Mama has survived her self-cannibalism
and is strapped down to the bed. Eli wants to make sure to get her out
of there without any further incident so the doctor assures him that
she’ll be HEAVILY sedated for transport.
Quinn, who I can’t
even refer to as “Baby Huck” anymore goes into disguise and tries to
capture the surveillance footage from nearby businesses before the
Gladiators can get to the tapes. Sucks for her but she runs smack into
Jake who is on the very same mission. He makes her hand over the
findings before she can do away with the evidence. Foiled again, Quinn.
Clearly you are not about this life ma’am. Oh, I love that Jake is an
official Gladiator now and you know that man isn’t on the Pope &
Associates payroll. He’s doing it just off the memory of that golden
Pope Poon! I ain’t mad at you, Sir!
Mama and her luxurious
lacefront are recovering and Papa Pope goes to see her with some
newspaper clippings to show her of their daughter, how heartwarming! He
manages to push his lips into something resembling a smile as they sort
through the articles. Using her maternal instinct she wants to know
where are the actual photos of the two of them. There are none to be
seen since we know that he shipped Liv away as soon her mother was
“killed” but he quickly flips the script on Mama and says that all of
this is her fault in the first place. I can’t WAIT to get the backstory
on this!!!!
Senator Marcus is still holding on to presidential
hopes but someone has broken into their headquarters and stole her
laptop. After receiving explicit instructions to stand down and let the
Gladiators handle the press, Candace breaks rank and goes on air and
passively aggressively places the blame on the Reston Camp. The Governor
of Gingham, Harrison quickly says he’ll handle Candace and a few scenes
later we find out why he was so eager. He handled it all right….
Everyone’s initial thought is that the Reston camp is behind it but the
math just doesn’t add up. Liv and crew were quickly able to determine
that it was a poorly executed inside job. Cue up INAPPROPRIATE SEX
SCENE #1 with David Rosen and Abbey. They are soooooo awkward to me,
but whatevs. Awkward folk need love too. They hash out the details of
the stolen laptop and all manicured fingers point to Candace, Josie’s
sister/daughter. Abbey jumps on the horn to inform Harrison and
gahdammit! This is where I audibly screamed “NOOOOOOOO!!!!” at the TV.
I literally shrieked! The first shirtless scene we ever see with
Harrison is when he’s getting out of bed with Candace. REALLY SHONDA?
Don’t let this form of high treason ever happen again! I can’t deal!
INAPPROPRIATE SEX SCENE #2
Liv tells Josie that she could
weather this political shit storm but when it’s time to fess up to the
press, she takes the fall for the laptop job and resigns from the race
and says she’s going back to Pennsyltucky or wherever the hell she’s
from. It’s better this way. Josie you are about as interesting as a
stump so I for one, am OK with you falling into obscurity. NEXT!
At the Beene/Novak residence the coldhearted snake Cyrus informs James
that he hooked his boo up with an exclusive interview with Daniel
Douglas. James is so happy to have a gig, he doesn’t even see the trap
that was set with himself as the bait. Poor guy. Cy and Mellie talked
it through and figured that once James and Daniel were alone, Daniel
would make a pass at James and the Fitz camp would have some dirt to
stop Sally Langston from running on the Independent ticket. To make
certain that Daniel makes a grab for Jame’s bootymeat Mellie puts the
bug in Daniels ear, saying that Cy and James have an open marriage.
Ooooooh Mellie, you tried it!
ATTENTION ALL SIDEPIECES! If
your “man/woman” doesn’t send for you in a private helicopter, YOU’RE
DOING IT WRONG! Fitz sends for Liv to meet him in the mountains of
Vermont. She reluctantly agrees to meet with him for just one hour.
They’re in a dazzling modern log cabin house and he tells her how
heartbroken he is that she never told him about her father. Liv throws a
few verbal gut punches before she finally asks where they are. He
tells her that it’s the house he made for the two of them. All Liv
hears is “made this house…..make jam….grow old together” and it was FUCK
YOU, MAMA! She couldn’t get Fitz out of his crew neck Chaps cable knit
sweater fast enough. Damn! I guess the part about him killing her
mother is inconsequential now. Oh yeah and side pieces, don’t get
excited cuz your boo bought you dinner at the Red Lobster. I know
cheddar bay biscuits are EVERYTHING but if you’re man/woman ain’t buying
you a log cabin in Vermont, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG! Lawd hammercy,
INAPPROPRIATE SEX SCENE #3, TO THE SOUNDS OF BILL WITHERS! I DIED!
Poor Mellie is trying to track Fitz down because Teddy said “balloon”
and she wanted him to know. After having Fitzy’s receptionist call
every phone number in the directory with no answer, she has her call
Liv’s phone. Why you play yourself like that, Mellie?? The receptionist
looked like she wanted to say “Bish, you know damn well the two of them
are in somebody’s broom closet having sex.” But she remains
professional.
The next morning Liv has to get back to work and
Fitz is left sitting there with the sheets clutched under his chin
looking violated and used. Before she leaves, she tells him not to sell
the house. THAT my friends, is how you win back your woman. BUY HER A
FREAKIN CABIN IN VERMONT! It changes everything. Cuz last week Liv
was all like “fuck you and your perfectly trimmed hair” and this week
when Fitz says he’s going after Eli she’s all like “Bay I know you gotta
do what you have to do, I support you in all your endeavors.”
Back in DC:
James gets back from his “interview” at Daniel’s man cave. Daniel did
indeed make a pass at James and it finally slipped that Daniel was led
to believe that James had an open marriage. Visibly hurt, James figures
he’ll give Cy a little more than what he bargained for. He went on and
slept with that big burly piece of redneck man-meat, all while the
photog that Cy hired snapped pics of it. INAPPROPRIATE SEX SCENE #4.
The photog forwarded the pics to Cyrus and all he could do was muster a
single sad tear as he witnessed his husband giving it up to Daniel.
THIS IS WHY YOU CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS CYRUS!
Quinn arrives at
her house, exhausted from all her double crossery. She steps into the
foyer and finds an 8x10 photo on the floor of the night she killed the
security guard. It’s an image of her reflection leaving out of building.
SHe senses someone is in the room and calls out “Huck?” and baaaby,
Huck was like “yep, we need to talk about who you’re working for” and
when she flips on the light, we see he has neatly arranged his power
drill, scalpel, pliers, wrench and a bottle of Purell. HUCK IS BACK
YA’LL!!!
Finally the last scene shows Liv walking to her
building and out of the shadows pops Mama Pope. Before the doctor could
inject her with a sedative, she was able to turn the needle around on
him and escaped out of her cell. You cannot keep a mother lion from her
cub. You just can’t. She calls out “hi Livvy” and Liv turns around to
stand face to face with her mom for the first time after over 20 years.
I am no more good. Ava and Shonda have snatched all the edges from my
hairline. I am bald. And dead. Good show ladies, good show!!!
I.CAN’T. I am fresh out of “can”. I went to the “can” store and they were sold out. “Can” don’t live here anymore! I CAAAAAAN’T! I didn’t think it was possible for this show to get any better but, here we are after another jaw dropping episode of Scandal trying to pick up the pieces of our mangled bodies. This episode had everything- Liv in the most sickening black and white contrast full length coat, inappropriate sex (but not the kind we were hoping for), and a lot of back story on Mellie and Remington. Stay with me as I try to untangle the deets.
Episode 307 opens with this gorgeous coat, oh an Liv too, walking out the door and trying to ignore the Fitz phone which was ringing on her table. She runs to grab it on the last ring because yeah, you put the POTUS out of your house but there’s only so many times you’re going to
ignore him. He’s all like “boo, I love you so much” and Liv is like “So!? You kind of killed my mother AND I am NOT having any inappropriate sex with you!” Fitz wants her to stop her investigation on account of Papa Goon not knowing that Liv is his daughter and she already knows that he is the Grand Wizard of Boogeymen. Even knowing all that she knows, she still loves her Mush Man. I’oneeeeem wanna know what THAT kind of love is like. Sheesh!
This week we get a peek into Mellie’s history with Fitzy via a series of flashbacks. Mellie
is the personification of a ride or die chick ok? I mean, she sets the bar for riding and/or dying and quite frankly, I’m taking myself out of the running for that title. Any woman who gets raped by her husband’s father then turns around and uses it as a bargaining chip, keeps all his secrets, and smiles next to her man long after he’s mentally checked out of the marriage is some kind of bad girl. WHO CAN COMPETE WITH THAT?? Sheeeeeit, I would have stabbed everybody in that mother*$%#$ years ago! Seeing her history with Fitzy made me feel sorry for her…briefly. Until they brought in a 15 years younger Cyrus wearing a wig that looks like it came out of Rod Stewarts costume closet. Lawd, 23 strokes sure will age a person! Anyhoos, In these flashbacks We are able to see the grand hustle as it unfolds. Mellie, Cy and Papa Creep AKA Fitzgerald Grant II are all conspiring to get Fitz to run for governor and then eventually POTUS.None of them really believe in him but his dynamic team of charlatans and shysters ain’t worried. They have their puppet in Fitz, now it’s on with the show. It’s actually quite tragic when you think about it. Fitz has at least three hands up his ass at all times, controlling his every move. But he thinks he runs the world with his little presidential balls. PSSSSH!
At Pope and Associates, Liv introduces the gladiators to their newest client- her mother…and we all collectively fainted. She quickly gets the team plus Jake up to speed on the mission and the key players involved and she also gives them an opportunity to back down if the assignment is too much of a challenge. Everyone remains loyal and presses on. They also find out that a passenger was taken off the plane by an Air Marshal before Fitz shot it down. Quinn is obviously missing from many of the gladiator meetings but nobody even takes notice. Note-This is why you need a sign in sheet for meetings.
Over at the gun range, Baby Huck is getting more tricks of the trade from Charlie who is
showing some personality this season. I had to be careful because I almost found myself liking him for a hot second. I mean hell, it was miiiighty amusing watching him hydrate Quinn’s thirsty ass with spontaneous kisses and high school make-out sessions. He had Quinn following him around and signing up to kill folk and she ain’t even get the “D” yet! Oh helllllzz naw! I mean, Charlie
led her into the trap like lemmings running off a damn cliff.
Mellie is busy trying to reconstruct her public image because right now she looks like a
schizophrenic, loose lipped, woman scorned instead of a composed regal First
Lady. You won't evahhh see Michelle Obama airing their dirty laundry or getting caught talking shit about candidates with the mic on, take note Mellie! You've come too far to be caught slipping. She has cameras following her around, showing the world a glimpse of the fascinating life of a First Lady- planning charity events, making executive decisions on which fine china to use etc. She
hopes to catch Fitz in the office so the cameras can see them operate as a family but dammit when she burst into the Oval Office, it was empty. Damn Fitz. Do you have to carry her so hard?? He redeems himself in an interview where Mellie found herself in over her head. She was flustered and wasn’t able to answer the interviewers questions with ease. Fitz stepped in and took one for
the team, drawing the attention away from her and back on him since he is the one who was lickin’ and stickin’ our Liv and Savior all these years. Gold star for you, President Mush!
In another flashback, we learn why Fitz is at the mercy of his father- basically papa Creep had to play cleanup man after he shot down the passenger plane. So Fitz gotsta do whatever "Big Jerry" wants him to do. But it's really Mellie with the colossal balls. After Big Jerry raped her, she didn't tell a soul. She just used it as a way to get Papa Creep to be decent to his son. As a feminist, this scene was hard for me to digest. We learn just how strong Mellie is but unfortunately her strength and power stem from her being victimized by her husband’s father. Ugh! UBER SIDE EYE
HERE!
Bringing us current, we see Cyrus and Mellie trying to find a dame to seduce Sally Langston’s husband except he really isn’t checking for “fish” in the traditional sense of the word. At a White House event, an exasperated James tries to tell Cy that he had been fired but Cy didn’t waste a minute further peeling back his already bleeding scalp from last weeks EPIC reading by
Senator Marcus. Poor James walks off and ends up finding friendship with Sally’s husband. Ah ha! So last week he really wasn’t flirting with Mellie, he just wanted to know who did her hair and where she got her pearls from. Haaaaaaaay!
So the Gladiators find out who the Air Marshal was from the plane crash and they send Jake out to talk to him. Yes! They are getting closer to the truth! Exceeeeeept no. Quinn has her nose wide open and her eyes wide shut because Charlie gave her a chance to tag along on one of his “private
investigating” jobs. He tongued her down real good in the car and sent her into an office building to “sedate” the security guard at the front desk. So she sashays into the building, lipstick smeared, skirt all twisted thinking she is doing the damn thing but per usual, it’s a set up. She stabs the security guard and begins to rejoice that she carried out her mission but the poor old
guy started foaming at the mouth and died on the spot. He WAS (at least this is what I think. Ya’ll can correct me if you believe otherwise) the only witness left from the crash. She goes back to the car looking like a blithering idiot and Charlie welcomes her to B-613. WHY YOU SO STUPID FOR, QUINN?!!
After however many years of boning Olivia Pope, Fitz finally decides to look into her past. You’re madly in love with this woman but you ain’t never ask her about her mother and father or nothing Jesus until she stopped giving you the straw to her juice box. You ain’t shit, Fitz! So naturally, POTUS nearly gags to death when his staffer brings him a file on Liv’s dad and he
see’s that it’s Papa Hooligan.
Cut over to Papa Pope making his way into a highly secure facility, supposedly to see Omar Dresden and after going through a series of check points he sits down at the prisoners cell to say that
their daughter has been asking about her. And I basically blacked out at this point because when the “prisoner” rolled over we see that it’s Liv’s mom. I told ya’ll, I.CAN’T. Goodnight!
Written By- Bree Maria